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Since 2008 – Progress Through Politics

Calling All Nerds! Take the Nerd Quotient Test!

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Are you a NERD?  I know that I am, and I have my suspicions about some of your moosies! However, as an empiricist, I realize that nerdiness, like many other human qualities, is often a matter of degrees. Not the sort of degrees one gets in college, mind you, but something that can be measured, allowing us to compare ourselves on a continuum.

With this in mind, I have resurrected the Nerd Quotient Test from my files. I cannot claim authorship of this document, but remain profoundly grateful that a fellow geologist shared it with me many years ago. You may notice that some of the questions are a bit dated. Please feel free to adapt them to your circumstances and prevailing technologies.

Test scoring:  Each question is in two parts.  If you answer “yes” to the first part, give yourself one point.  If you answer “yes” to the second part, give yourself an extra two points.  The total number of points determines your percentage of nerdiness, up to 100%.  You already have a head start of one point just for reading this far.  If you stop now without taking the test, add 99 points.

1. Has anyone ever called you a nerd?  Did you take it as a compliment?

2. Have you ever taken a course in statistics or calculus?  As an elective?

3. Do people ask you for definitions or synonyms for difficult words?  Even when they have a dictionary or thesaurus within reach?

4. Do you (or did you) sit in the front row at school most of the time?  And arrive early to get the best seat?

5. Have you ever used a “system” for taking class notes?  Did you create that system yourself?

6. Were you tormented in high school (stuffed into a toilet, made to wear “kick me” signs, etc.)  by the jocks?  By other nerds?

7. Do you know Avogadro’s number?  Did you ever put it on the back of an athletic shirt thinking it would be funny?

8. Do you use a computer for four hours or more every day?  Including weekends?

9. Do you prefer computers to humans?  Including the person with whom you are having an intimate relationship?

10. Did the phrase “intimate relationship” make you blush?  Or did you wonder what qualifies as an intimate relationship?

11. Have you ever owned a Star Trek gizmo (tricorder, fake ears, ship model, etc.)?  And a uniform?

12. Can you outline the plot of six or more Star Trek episodes?  Do you ever come up with script alternatives because “Spock would never say that?

13. Have you ever taken Latin?  Do you enjoy using it in everyday conversation?

14. Have you ever told a joke about chemistry or physics?  Did most or all of your friends get it?

15. Do you attend parties where most of the guests have advanced science degrees?  Do you host them?

16. Have you ever analyzed a fake food (Twinkies, Cheez Whiz, etc.) for chemical content? And then eaten it?

17. Do you have a pet ferret, iguana, alligator, tarantula, or snake?  Did you name your pet after a Nobel laureate?

18. Have you played Dungeons & Dragons in the last year?  With the same people you’ve played with for two years or more?

19. Can you convert Fahrenheit to Centigrade in your head?  Do you find yourself doing so unconsciously?

20. Is your SAT math score 600 or more?  Is it higher than your SAT verbal score?

21. Do you own a T-shirt with a picture of Einstein on it?  Do you wear it with a suit?

22. Do you wear button-down shirts with the tails out?  Over shorts?

23. Do you wear glasses?  Do they change colors outdoors?

24. Do you have a slide rule?  And know how to use it?

25. Do you know what a font is?  Do you know what font you’re reading now?

26. Have you ever owned a chemistry set?  Since the age of 12?

27. Have you ever browsed through Radio Shack?

On a date?

28. Do you wear a digital watch?  With built-in calculator?

29. Have you ever read the dictionary or encyclopedia for fun? Cover to cover?

30. Do you play chess?  Do you read books about chess?

31. Do you own a pocket protector?  Are you wearing it now?

32. Do you have friends on the Internet?  Are they your best friends?

33. Is your IQ a) greater than your weight, or b) constant to your weight in the same ratio as your eyeglass prescription over pi?  Did you actually try, even for just a moment, to calculate the answer to that question?

There are no unacceptable outcomes on this test, nor is it an accurate predictor of your success in any nerd-related endeavors. It’s simply intended for your own amazement, so feel free to post your Nerd Quotient in the comments, annotated with footnotes, supplemented with supporting documentation, and peer reviewed.  


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/ 45 Comments

45 comments

  1. Melanie in IA

    Yes, I host parties where most of those attending have advanced science degrees. Yes, being called a nerd is a compliment. Yes, my glasses (NEW ones!!) do change colors outdoors. Yes, my SAT science score was higher than my verbal score, despite not taking any science classes but biology. Yes, to many of the other questions. But I was not tormented in high school. I was just ignored.

    This was fun. Thanks.  

  2. bubbanomics

    not as nerdy as I’d thought.  the test is dated, tho.  digital watch?  who wears a watch.  my watch is an iphone, and yeah it has a calculator.

  3. slksfca

    …with a couple of exceptions. Yes, I HAVE browsed Radio Shack (even though I didn’t know what the heck the stuff was I was looking at).

    And back in college, in the early/mid 70s, I had those glasses that went dark in sunshine. They were cutting-edge technology back then and I thought they were so cool.

    I was definitely more of a dork than a nerd.

  4. cassandracarolina

    of my limited nerdiness. Early aptitude tests showed that my strengths lay in languages but I didn’t aspire to teaching, technical translating, or foreign postings for the Department of State, so I pursued a career in the sciences. A look around my home office would give me some nerd street cred, though. Within sight are rock specimens, fossils, my Brunton weather gizmo, kooky animal-shaped USB drives, a calculator, plastic dinosaurs, an engineer’s rule, a copy of James Gleick’s Chaos Theory, and many science and engineering text books.  

  8. plf515

    Running total (RT) = 1

    1. Has anyone ever called you a nerd?  Did you take it as a compliment?  Yes and of course. RT = 4

    2. Have you ever taken a course in statistics or calculus?  As an elective?  Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. I’ve TAUGHT statistics. RT = 7.

    3. Do people ask you for definitions or synonyms for difficult words?  Even when they have a dictionary or thesaurus within reach?  Yes. Yes. RT = 10.

    4. Do you (or did you) sit in the front row at school most of the time?  And arrive early to get the best seat? Yes. Yes. RT = 13.

    5. Have you ever used a “system” for taking class notes?  Did you create that system yourself? Yes. Well, who else would? RT = 16

    (This is getting scary)

    6. Were you tormented in high school (stuffed into a toilet, made to wear “kick me” signs, etc.)  by the jocks?  By other nerds?  Yes. Yes. No. RT = 19

    7. Do you know Avogadro’s number?  Did you ever put it on the back of an athletic shirt thinking it would be funny?

    No

    8. Do you use a computer for four hours or more every day?  Including weekends?

    Yes. Yes.  RT = 22.

    9. Do you prefer computers to humans?  Including the person with whom you are having an intimate relationship? Please define “prefer” (I’m giving myself 3 points here, for that nerdy answer). RT = 25

    10. Did the phrase “intimate relationship” make you blush?  Or did you wonder what qualifies as an intimate relationship?  I don’t blush.

    11. Have you ever owned a Star Trek gizmo (tricorder, fake ears, ship model, etc.)?  And a uniform?  No.  I don’t like Star Trek. I prefer real SF.

    12. Can you outline the plot of six or more Star Trek episodes?  Do you ever come up with script alternatives because “Spock would never say that?  No.

    13. Have you ever taken Latin?  Do you enjoy using it in everyday conversation?  No.

    14. Have you ever told a joke about chemistry or physics?  Did most or all of your friends get it? Yes. Yes. RT = 28

    (One is “There is no gravity. The Earth sucks”. Another is “The gravitational attraction between a 60 kg boy and a 50 kg girl standing 1 meter apart is .000002001 Newtons. It must be something else”.

    15. Do you attend parties where most of the guests have advanced science degrees?  Do you host them?

    No

    16. Have you ever analyzed a fake food (Twinkies, Cheez Whiz, etc.) for chemical content? And then eaten it?

    No.

    17. Do you have a pet ferret, iguana, alligator, tarantula, or snake?  Did you name your pet after a Nobel laureate?

    No.

    18. Have you played Dungeons & Dragons in the last year?  With the same people you’ve played with for two years or more?

    No.

    19. Can you convert Fahrenheit to Centigrade in your head?  Do you find yourself doing so unconsciously?

    Yes. Yes. RT – 31

    20. Is your SAT math score 600 or more?  Is it higher than your SAT verbal score?

    Yes. Yes. RT – 34

    21. Do you own a T-shirt with a picture of Einstein on it?  Do you wear it with a suit?

    No, but I have several t-shirts with mathematical constants on them. I give myself 1 pt. RT = 35

    22. Do you wear button-down shirts with the tails out?  Over shorts?  Not anymore

    23. Do you wear glasses?  Do they change colors outdoors?

    Yes. Yes (and it’s very cool!) RT = 38

    24. Do you have a slide rule?  And know how to use it?

    Yes. Yes. RT = 41. Slide rules are cool. there is even a website about them.

    25. Do you know what a font is?  Do you know what font you’re reading now?  Yes. No. RT = 42

    26. Have you ever owned a chemistry set?  Since the age of 12?  Yes No. RT = 43

    27. Have you ever browsed through Radio Shack?

    On a date?  Yes. No. RT = 44.

    28. Do you wear a digital watch?  With built-in calculator?

    No.

    29. Have you ever read the dictionary or encyclopedia for fun? Cover to cover?

    Yes. No. RT = 45

    30. Do you play chess?  Do you read books about chess?

    Yes. Yes RT = 48

    31. Do you own a pocket protector?  Are you wearing it now?

    No

    32. Do you have friends on the Internet?  Are they your best friends?

    Yes. No, or maybe. RT = 50

    33. Is your IQ a) greater than your weight, or b) constant to your weight in the same ratio as your eyeglass prescription over pi?  Did you actually try, even for just a moment, to calculate the answer to that question?

    a)Of course it is.  All nerds calculate weight in kg.

    b) No, because I realized “eyeglass prescription” is not defined. Do they mean vision? Diopter? Plus “constant … in the same ratio” is nonsense.

    I give myself another 3 points RT – 53

    53? That’s all

  9. anotherdemocrat

    probably the most amusing answer:

    13. Have you ever taken Latin?  Do you enjoy using it in everyday conversation? I learned it when my brothers (8 years older than me) took it in high school – does that count? Yes to the 2nd part.

    I didn’t learn it completely, mind – but I can still spot the Latin roots of words, I know what a lot of commonly used Latin means, and it really helped me in French class (I became fluent in French when we lived in Algeria)

    Also – my friends & I used Elvish runes for our note writing in high school. I didn’t need the appendix at the back of FotR with the alphabet to write my notes.

    So — in no way, shape or form a matn nerd, but still pretty nerdy.

  10. Avilyn

    I don’t too well on the NQT, because (for example) I prefer fantasy to sci-fi; star wars to star trek; I created my own fantasy language with a friend & we can (or could, it’s been a decade) speak it fluently, but I never learned latin; I wasn’t into physics but I had a microscope as a kid, etc.

  11. michelewln

    Sheesh. Maybe I should think of getting a life. However since the question wasn’t asked and should have been I probably should get extra points for running a science fiction convention. 😉

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