Could this be it — the death of Hope? ……..Perhaps not — but Hope’s got a f***ing potty mouth.
By “Hope”, of course, we are referring to Ms. Susan Boyle. By “potty mouth” we are referring to her two outbursts this past week prominently featuring everyone’s favorite “F” word:
Cops apparently got in the mix at a London hotel on Wednesday when a couple people decided to rile up Boyle by saying something no one seemed to hear. But they did hear her shout, “How f—ing dare you! You can’t f—ing talk to me like that.” And after a bobby asked if there’s a problem, she shouted “Of course there’s a f—ing problem” before walking out.
She talked to cops for several minutes out in the hotel’s garage, but this is on the heels of an episode Tuesday, in which she apparently got angry after judge Piers Morgan lauded 12-year-old Talent rival Shaheen Jafargholi.“I think that, pound for pound, that was the best singing performance we’ve seen so far,” Morgan said. Susan, who was watching at the same hotel’s bar, shouted “f— off” and shot the screen a “V,” which, for our readers who aren’t anglophiles, is on par with the ol’ dirty bird.
We assume you’ll all recall Susan Boyle, the matronly Brit with a heart of gold and the vocal cords of a f***ing angel. She and her dulcet tones swept into our lives, and living rooms, just a few short weeks ago, and already it’s hard to imagine a world without her — what a horrible f***ing place it would be. It’s difficult to remember a time when her unique visage didn’t grace our televisions and computer screens. Now that we have seen her Light cast across the faces of the once-hopeless masses, we know that she has brought hope to the despondent and the suffering… and to mildly talented virgins the world over. She has become a beacon to the depressed and downtrodden, and many have come to see her as the ultimate embodiment of Hope Itself.
She has, in fact, singlehandedly defeated cynicism.
She gave an angelic f***ing performance during the first round of the BGT competition. Her fab rendition of “I Dreamed a Dream” from Les Misérables has been seen and heard a whopping 29 bazillion f***ing times worldwide. It was assumed that she was a shoe in for the win… until HE arrived. Who is he? He is the cutest little f***er the UK has to offer. Shaheen Jafargholi. His dimples are a sight to f***ing behold. He sang Michael Jackson’s “Who’s Loving You” better than Jacko himself. Susan had a f***ing contender.
It was on.
Photographer captured Susan chasing young Shaheen down
the street pounding her chest whilst screaming “BRING IT ON
YOU LITTLE F***ER!!” – No Source
For the Semi-Finals, the well lit Susan fell from grace a bit as her f***ing nerves got the better of her. Shaheen, on the other hand, f***ing blew the judges away with his best Jennifer Hudson impersonation. It was the judges’ reactions to his performance that sparked SuBo’s first hysterical f***ing outburst.
Hairy Angel Susan – watching on the hotel bar’s TV with Shaheen’s pals, family and show fans – stood and screamed “f*** off” before flicking a “V” at the screen and storming out.
More than 100 people saw her tantrum.
One onlooker said: “Susan was sitting there quite happily with her drink at first.
“Susan was sitting there quite happily with her drink at first.
“She got a bit annoyed when a busload of tourists asked for autographs and told them to wait until Shaheen had finished. She was smiling as Shaheen sang but afterwards, when Piers started praising him, Susan went nuts.
“She got up, did one of those strange wiggling dances that she does, and then stuck two fingers up at the TV. Then she marched off. We didn’t see her again.”
SuBo has reached a level fame attained by few in today’s world. Hers is a household name, one that can even be found in such illustrious programs as South Park and The Simpsons.
She undoubtedly has the power of name recognition that young Shaheen lacks. It seems she also has the ability to f***ing rage like Rambo (her neighborhood nickname), so the fresh faced lad better be on his toes.
Despite her f***ing outbursts, Susan has had a stalwart defender in her favorite judge, Piers Morgan. He played her knight in shining armor on his blog on Daily Beast.
I picked up the papers this morning, and saw a load of headlines ridiculing Susan for a supposed incident where she is said to have heard me tell Shaheen Jafagholi he had given the “best singing performance of the semifinals” and gone mad-flicking V-signs and shouting “**** off,” before storming off to her hotel bedroom.
She was said to be angry because I, her “favorite judge,” had backed another contestant. Susan denies this happened, and I wasn’t there, so I don’t know what really went on. But I’ve seen the photos of her arguing with policemen after a furious altercation with a reporter who later asked her about it, and I’ve read the incredibly bitchy comments exploding all over various Web sites about her behavior.
And you know what? It made me very, very angry.
– Piers Morgan, The Daily Beast
SuBo will always an angel be in the eyes of her adoring fans. Her beatific presence is hard to deny and services were surely held worldwide to pray for her victory.
She is a f***ing Angel. Such a miraculous image could never be staged, orchestrated,
or manipulated.
With tonight’s Final looming, the stress must be f***ing unbearable. Will Susan keep her temper in check? Or will she tear Simon a f***ing new one? Will Hope prevail and walk away with the cash prize and fame? Will the sweet cheeked cherub pluck the wings from the Angel? Or will the unforeseen occur
with a dark horse snatching f***ing victory from them both?
We must admit that while we wish both the front-runners good tidings, we are pulling for the dark horse — Stavros Flatley. The mad talented duo are f***ing brill. Forget the pipes on SuBo and Shaheen, check out the f***ing guns on Dimitrios and Lagi.
– Boris & Natasha
.
4 comments