Motley Moose – Archive

Interrogatories

What would YOUR Olympic gold medal be for?

It’s open bar, every beverage in the world, alcoholic and non-alcoholic represented. What are you having?

Do you have anything expired (like an unplanned science project) in the back of your refrigerator?

The Twitter Emitter

It's not even March yet, and I've already given 45% fewer fucks this year than I did last year.

— That Damn Calvin. (@phive0phor) February 21, 2014

NEW STUDY: People who study online trolls are masochists.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) February 21, 2014

The NSA has harvested our personal information from FaceBook for 4 years. They now have the largest collection of cat pictures in the world.

— RUTH BUZZI (@Ruth_A_Buzzi) February 21, 2014

If Facebook gets anymore invasive with your personal data, congress is gonna propose you have an Ultrasound before you sign on.

— Lizz Winstead (@lizzwinstead) February 21, 2014

That awkward moment when Rand Paul says Ted Nugent should apologize for a racist comment and Nugent got the slur from a Ron Paul newsletter.

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) February 21, 2014

Don't argue we should have #voterID like other countries unless you're ready to discuss death penalty, universal healthcare, gun control too

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) February 21, 2014

If there were a Nobel War Prize, John McCain would suddenly make sense.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) February 21, 2014

The man who foisted Sarah Palin into the body politic is calling other people naive? Shut up John McCain.

— Nostradeptus (@adept2u) February 21, 2014

If elected to the U.S. Senate, Steve Stockman vows to be the first Senator to primary himself.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) February 21, 2014

@owillis Businesses that serve Erick Erickson are aiding and abetting assholes.

— ginalou (@ginalou) February 21, 2014

Ted Nugent: "I don't apologize to Obama for calling him a subhuman mongrel, I apologize to @GregAbbott_TX for making him look like a douche"

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) February 21, 2014

Interrogatories

Did you have a favorite Beatle? Which one?

Do you still keep the phone book around since the advent of the internet? Back in the olden days when phone books were actually useful, did you use the phone book, or call Information?

When walking or driving past lit windows at night, can you resist looking in?

The Twitter Emitter

Out of curiosity, where were you all thinking of moving after you're done destroying the Earth? 'Cause I assume you've thought that through.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) February 19, 2014

Hi, I oppose Hillary Clinton b/c I'm a good Christian & don't much care for the way she forgave her husband & kept her family together. #p2

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) February 20, 2014

I'm Christian, and I'll be your server this evening, unless you're gay.

— Chris Dashiell (@cdashiell) February 20, 2014

Florida has just approved the “Mom, She’s Looking At Me” law, which permits an 8 year old to shoot his sister in the back of a station wagon

— Dana Houle (@DanaHoule) February 20, 2014

BuzzFeed should get into funeral planning. "22 Lemurs That Will Miss Bob", "Which Type of Mourner Are You?". Ripe for disruption.

— pourmecoffee (@pourmecoffee) February 20, 2014

You've reached the #RNC. For racist hate press 1, #Benghazi fantasies 2, Christian califates 3, #Birthers 4, War On Women 5… #gopvoicemail

— The Right is Wrong (@therightswrong) February 21, 2014

Ted Cruz was named Republican Statesman of the Year, which he earned by not compromising on anything.

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) February 21, 2014

If Buzzfeed & Politico escalate their war to the point where bombs are flung & society collapses, i call dibs on posting the apocalypsticle.

— Jason Linkins (@dceiver) February 21, 2014

As a general rule, any statement that includes "take this country back" can be safely ignored.

— Kelsey D. Atherton (@AthertonKD) February 21, 2014

There's an old saying in politics: If you're explaining Donald Trump and Ted Nugent, you're not actually in politics.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) February 21, 2014

New Georgia license plate features Confederate flag, “but not for racist reasons. It’s just to honor men who died protecting black slavery.”

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) February 21, 2014

Interrogatories

Are you a pack rat? What sort of things do you hang on to?

What public, non-political figure would you like to see drop out of sight for good?

Do you still have faith in humanity? Why (or why not)?

The Twitter Emitter

Ted Cruz: "Obama is hostile to traditional marriage. I mean, he's only had one traditional marriage whereas many Republicans have 2 or 3."

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) February 19, 2014

If gay people marry it has as much to do with "traditional marriage" as what the table next to me orders effects my dinner

— Jesse LaGreca (@JesseLaGreca) February 19, 2014

Russia's track record on human rights is pretty much the opposite of its track record on nesting dolls.

— Ronan Farrow (@RonanFarrow) February 19, 2014

"The Stand Your Ground defense is like bleach. It works wonders for Whites, but it will ruin your Colors." – Jessica Williams, TDS

— Amarlie (@marabout40) February 19, 2014

I hope the lady standing way too close and peering over my shoulder enjoys me telling the whole world how ugly her shirt is.

— Kaili Joy Gray (@KailiJoy) February 19, 2014

I feel kind of dirty that I can now speak fluent internet marketer, but that’s what I get for stepping outside of my intra-network silo

— Larry Madill (@larrymadill) February 20, 2014

I think Jared's been seeing other fast food restaurants.

— Crutnacker (@Crutnacker) February 20, 2014

Any billionaires want to fund a start-up where I play Solitaire all day?

— David Waldman (@KagroX) February 20, 2014

Look, I made minimum wage in 1968 and I did fine, so there’s no need to raise it or even keep up with 45 years of inflation.

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) February 20, 2014

The darker skinned people are no longer bowing their heads as I pass. I certainly am the victim.

— Chris Dashiell (@cdashiell) February 20, 2014

Interrogatories

Have you ever had a bout of temporary insanity? What did you do?

What is the last live musical performance you saw?

Have you ever won anything? If so, what?

The Twitter Emitter

I took the advice to follow my dreams and ended up back in bed.

— Mr Roger Quimbly (@RogerQuimbly) February 14, 2014

The guys who are furious at Obama for pointing out Bush destroyed the economy now want to blame Hillary for being cheated on 18 years ago.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) February 17, 2014

'Good Guy with a Gun' has a fuck of a lot of catching up to do if he's gonna be the one to fix this whole mess.

— kara vallow (@teenagesleuth) February 17, 2014

Hackers breaching Kickstarter are halfway to their goal of stealing one million identities.

— David Lubar (@davidlubar) February 18, 2014

TONIGHT ON THE KELLY FILE: Megyn sits down with Kathleen Willey, and all the latest on the OJ trial.

— Luke Brinker (@LukeBrinker) February 18, 2014

I really feel for George Zimmerman. It must be hard to walk around with everyone looking at you like a monster just because you are.

— Jesse Taylor (@jesseltaylor) February 18, 2014

In fairness, Ted Nugent IS one of the right's leading intellectuals.

— Bearded Stoner (@beardedstoner) February 18, 2014

Trump is so angry people doubt he'll run for governor that he may not even run at all.

— Tina Dupuy (@TinaDupuy) February 18, 2014

Shame Michael Dunn has to rot in prison. He'd make a hell of a Republican candidate.

— Kaili Joy Gray (@KailiJoy) February 18, 2014

Believing is to thinking what unicorns are to horses.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) February 19, 2014

Interrogatories

It’s Drink Wine Day. What kind of wine will you celebrate with?

What period and place in history do you find most fascinating, and why?

Are you a joiner? Do you belong to many groups or organizations that actually engage in real-life activities?

The Twitter Emitter

Yes, there is a global warming "debate." On the one side, science. On the other, economic self-interest.

— Chris Dashiell (@cdashiell) February 16, 2014

I'd rather live in a state where you can marry who you want than one in which you can shoot who you want

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) February 17, 2014

Insects are up to something. I will let you know more as I go deeper.

— pourmecoffee (@pourmecoffee) February 17, 2014

.@edb87 Reading internet comments is like using a mace to remove ear wax. It's painful, it causes severe brain damage and it's your own fault

— Will McAvoy (@WillMcAvoyACN) February 17, 2014

George Washington never had to release a skeet-shoot pic to placate the National Musket Association.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) February 17, 2014

If Stand Your Ground laws don't fundamentally change gun owners' behavior, then why do you need Stand Your Ground laws?

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) February 17, 2014

If guns stop crime and most crime occurs in slums, then the NRA should favor arming all people who live in slums, right?

— Peter Flom (@peterflom) February 18, 2014

George Zimmerman: "Trayvon was not the victim. I was the victim. Trayvon forced me to leave my car and fight him on the sidewalk."

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) February 18, 2014

Murders are down in Florida, because we stopped calling it murder and started calling it "stand your ground".

— kara vallow (@teenagesleuth) February 18, 2014

With his degree, Bill Nye can explain thermodynamics. With her degree, Blackburn can tell you how to get rid of tough hard to get out stains

— TBogg (@tbogg) February 18, 2014

Interrogatories

In the Bush Jr. presidency, do you think Bush was in control of his agenda, or do you think his agenda was controlled by others, and if the latter, who do you think was controlling?

What kind of souvenirs do you collect on your travels?

What sounds do you hear around you right now?

The Twitter Emitter

Some educators, who are quick to say "These students just don't want to learn”, should instead be saying "I suck at my job”.

— Neil deGrasse Tyson (@neiltyson) January 8, 2014

Instead of voting Republican, why not just poison your own water and blow up your own factory?

— Peter Flom (@peterflom) February 15, 2014

So the Florida rules are: No hoodies, no Skittles, no loud music, and especially — don't be black. #DunnTrial

— Barracks O'Bama (@P0TUS) February 15, 2014

There is something really wrong when a white man's right to fear is more valued than a black man's right to live. #DunnTrial #JordanDavis

— Kristen Howerton (@kristenhowerton) February 16, 2014

Hypothesis: the people who most want to carry are the very last people on earth who should be allowed to carry.

— davidfrum (@davidfrum) February 16, 2014

Homeopathic air capsules. Take 2 a day for 14 days at $7.50 each. Natural Organic Gluten-free Homeopathic Air. EZ Terms. Layway! Call me!

— Justice Putnam (@justiceputnam) February 16, 2014

So MTP has become the Dancing With The Stars for past-their-prime politicians? #saygoodbyeMitt

— Sam Seaborn (@SamSeaborn) February 16, 2014

Johnny Weir makes me painfully aware of my acute unfabulousness.

— pourmecoffee (@pourmecoffee) February 16, 2014

Did Bill Nye bring a signed note from Jesus saying climate change is real? If not, he lost.

— William K. Wolfrum (@Wolfrum) February 16, 2014

There's no more dangerous creature in the world than a person who is willing to proclaim ignorance in support of an ideology.

— kara vallow (@teenagesleuth) February 16, 2014

Happy Valentines Day!  Just a little reminder, my favorite See’s candy is the espresso flavored creme filling. 😉

Interrogatories

How many animals do you have in your home? Who has the upper hand, you or them?

The penny: A useful piece of currency or a total waste of resources?

Who was/is your favorite TV/movie/or literature sidekick?

The Twitter Emitter

It was white outside yesterday!

#SoWhiteOutside Trey Radel is snorting the sidewalk.

— Allan Brauer (@allanbrauer) February 13, 2014

#SoWhiteOutside it just got an apology from @msnbc.

— BWD (@theonlyadult) February 13, 2014

#SoWhiteOutside that some of its best friends are “Black ice” and “mixed sleet.”

— TriniPrincess (@TriniPrincess) February 13, 2014

#SoWhiteOutside the snow is falling offbeat

— Buddha Lee Raye (@LynchNineBows) February 13, 2014

#SoWhiteOutside that it's praising Macklemore for saving hip hop.

— Jeff Fecke (@jkfecke) February 13, 2014

It's #SoWhiteOutside I just caught a case of affluenza.

— Nicholas Coleman (@pedanticprof) February 13, 2014

#SoWhiteOutside it's already been acquitted

— foggy hedgehog (@mazzie) February 13, 2014

#SoWhiteOutside it thinks this hashtag is racist

— Mychal Denzel Smith (@mychalsmith) February 13, 2014

#sowhiteoutside it can't get its wife elected to the Denver school board but thinks it's smarter about politics than you.

— Allan Brauer (@allanbrauer) February 13, 2014

There was other stuff going on, too:

Time Warner merging with Comcast is like Justin Bieber merging with Nickleback and that's the only thing you can listen to.

— Jamie Kilstein (@jamiekilstein) February 13, 2014

So if I am drunk at a bar and I rob another drunk, are they as much to blame because we were both drunk?

— Lizz Winstead (@lizzwinstead) February 13, 2014

RT @Big6domino I'm taking donations to get #MichaelDunn cell mate two 12 inch Woofers and NWA's complete catalog. #DunnTrial

— Candace Brown (@CandaceTX) February 13, 2014

Every time a US Congressman announces they won't run for reelection it represents one new job they've managed to create.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) February 13, 2014

Interrogatories

What do you require to get moving in the morning? Coffee, or worse?

How many things do you own that have to be plugged in? What are they?

Are you a birder? What are your favorite birds?

The Twitter Emitter

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if the pressure of alliterative humour wasn't weighing him down?

— Sixth Form Poet (@sixthformpoet) February 12, 2014

Once upon a time, some well-intentioned grownup said 'follow your bliss' to young Jeffrey Dahmer.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) February 12, 2014

This Valentine’s Day, get women what they really need – more representation in government. #WhatWomenNeed pic.twitter.com/TODEP0Pmym

— Mark Takano (@RepMarkTakano) February 12, 2014

Bob Jones University: we have to cover this rape thing up because of Jesus. Jesus: READ. WHAT. I. SAID. AGAIN.

— ¡ Terry ! Candy Saga (@shortstack81) February 12, 2014

"Oh, what do you mean we should have civil rights laws? If you didn't want to be arrested & held w/o trial should have been a millionaire!"

— Yung Dim Summa (@yeloson) February 12, 2014

Clarence Thomas: 'I didn't notice ANY racism in the '60s. But then again, I did spend my time dropping acid and watching Swedish porn"

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) February 13, 2014

Valentine's week winter storm mean so much screwing in the south. Big GOP demographic advantage coming up.

— pourmecoffee (@pourmecoffee) February 13, 2014

Maine Gov. Paul LePage to veto bill increasing access to a lifesaving anti-overdose medication because of concerns that people might live.

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) February 13, 2014

Been out of the country for a while, How's Darrel Issa's hearing into the George Washington Bridge tie-up going?

— kara vallow (@teenagesleuth) February 13, 2014

BREAKING: Borders overrun by lazy, mooching immigrants after Obama raises minimum wage to $10.10 for federal contact workers.

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) February 13, 2014

Ray Nagin is guilty of corruption and taking bribes, so obviously Obama must be too. It's just logic, sheeple!

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) February 13, 2014

Federal DC offices are closed tomorrow. Forecast calls for significant accumulation of conservative government-is-worthless tweets.

— pourmecoffee (@pourmecoffee) February 13, 2014

Interrogatories

When it comes to newer music, are you open minded, or are you the “Get off my lawn!” type?

What is the best Girl Scout cookie?

What is the first thing you see in the morning? Same as the last thing at night?

The Twitter Emitter

I like when the guys who keep talking about white pride are the ones that make other Caucasians embarrassed to be white.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) February 9, 2014

Rand Paul: "People shouldn't be bullied by government. Except when we call them moochers, sluts or abominations against God, of course."

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) February 10, 2014

The GOP doesn't hate women guys, it just thinks they should be held responsible for their husbands' misdeeds.

— Danielle Candy Saga (@DCPlod) February 10, 2014

Breaking: Traffic around Atlanta at a standstill due to 3 inches of preemptive road salt.

— Bill Harnsberger (@BillinPortland) February 11, 2014

Bread makes it snow. Stop buying it.

— David Waldman (@KagroX) February 11, 2014

So @SarahPalinUSA turned 50 today. Finally, her age matches her IQ.

— Steve Marmel (@Marmel) February 11, 2014

Dear terrorists: All you have to do to start poisoning our water with complete impunity is become corporate executives. #Maddow

— Ali Davis (@Ali_Davis) February 12, 2014

Actual birds go extinct all the time and no one cares but Flappy Bird goes extinct and holy shit, let's all panic.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) February 12, 2014

The most common way people give up their power is thinking they have none.

— Amber Worthy (@AWorthyNews) February 12, 2014

Interrogatories

Have you ever seen a streaker? Have you ever been a streaker?

Has anyone ever flashed you?

In any parts of your life where you are an authority figure (parent, classroom, office, etc.) do you think you are strict, or permissive?

The Twitter Emitter

You know your pets are overweight when you find yourself worrying about unflattering camera angles.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) February 10, 2014

#YouMightBeARepublican if you worry more about your kids paying an estate tax than you do about them inheriting a livable planet

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) February 10, 2014

Wake up,you fools. The snow and ice will continue in the south until the Jaguars sign Tebow.

— pourmecoffee (@pourmecoffee) February 10, 2014

A gritty "Popeye" reboot in which Ryan Gosling plays a moody sailor whose spinach addiction leads him into violence

— Seth D. Michaels (@sethdmichaels) February 10, 2014

Roy Blunt wants you to work more hours or else you're lazy. Blunt worked 113 days last year. http://t.co/2qATbTojpp #p2 #tcot @RoyBlunt

— Bob Cesca (@bobcesca_go) February 10, 2014

Ronald Reagan is sort of like Jesus. You have to openly worship him. Also, you have to ignore virtually everything he actually did & said.

— William K. Wolfrum (@Wolfrum) February 10, 2014

in response to rnc bringing up lewinsky scandal, dnc vows to nail gop nominee on teapot dome. #AnswerTheTeapot

— Oliver Willis (@owillis) February 10, 2014

"It's like getting blown up, on your first day of suicide bombing class." #OKThatsIronic

— William K. Wolfrum (@Wolfrum) February 10, 2014

A day without wine is like … never going to happen.

— David Lubar (@davidlubar) February 10, 2014

To neigh or not to neigh, that is equestrian.

— Shayera Tangri (@shayera) February 10, 2014